What is a “perfect” parent? What about a perfect “Christian parent”? Did you ever contemplate that God as the perfect parent had His first born children (Adam and Eve) out right defy and disobey Him?
I didn’t learn from my parents how to be a “perfect parent” so that I could teach “perfect parenting” behavior to my children. However, I have learned if parents have a loving heart, they do the best they can at the time raising their children.
What I’ve learned is from hindsight. I stood at the dedication of my children when they were very young with unwavering faith and declared, “For me and my house we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15).
However, my children did not take the straight and narrow way of safety that I would have desired for them. Broken relationships, skirmishes with the law, and self-destructive behaviors later, I am so proud of my adult children’s hearts for God and their acknowledgement of the right path I espoused, even with all my flaws.
I was the rebellious child to my parents. What helped me to nurture my communication with my children was knowing how much I loved God, how He protected me, and how God steered me back to His loving embrace, even though my choices were less than positive.
Now, let’s be honest. That better communication came way too late and contributed to the conflict and push back by my children against God values. I was too often harsh, judgmental, and legalistic. What was important, in spite of my errors, was a heart of LOVE. My children tell me to this day that they always knew I loved them.
When they were in their “wayward” life choices I always kept the line of communication open. As God worked in my heart, I grew less harsh in our discussions, less judgmental, and less legalistic. I found that there were many things I needed to learn from my adult children and their perspective of the world. I was greatly humbled and have told my children how sorry I am that I often couldn’t hear what they were saying because I was so stuck on my “rightness of opinion.” I couldn’t see that God was using them to open my eyes to see Him beyond myself.
I believe God intended for us as family to love each other in a manner that builds, not tears down. Patience, kindness, and a tender heart covers a multitude of errors. “I told you so” and blame games NEVER accomplish the end result of redirecting a wayward child (young or adult).
What I am sad about is that after I moved away from the area in which my children and grandsons live, the grandsons don’t regularly attend church. That breaks my heart. Sunday School and VBS (Vacation Bible School) were ALWAYS Grandma’s invitations.
My ability to influence and encourage my grandchildren now has challenged me to realize new and creative ways. The burden for my grandsons’ souls seems even deeper than I remember for my own kids (but it could be just the matter of MANY YEARS HAVE PASSED) or that I’m so far away and I can’t be a regular influencer as I was with my children. But, this has caused me to pray more specifically for my grandsons, send them encouraging words through digital messages, and to video chat as often as possible. I tell them how much I love them, that I’m proud of them, and I’m praying for them. I most often ask them to tell me what they want to talk about first. During most communications I do a “Grandma Check” and ask them serious questions where I can gauge if they have their “heads on straight.” As often as I can I remind them that God has a plan for them and He put us in family together to encourage one another.
I think that is what I missed as a kid. I knew God loved me. I knew my parents loved me. I knew my choices reflected on the “family name.” But, what I didn’t learn until way too old, was that God has a plan for me and my choices reflect on His family name.
We as parents need to nurture our children and grandchildren in the truth that God loves them and loves us. God created us with a purpose that is fulfilling and exciting if we choose to pursue Him and His righteousness. I believe together as family we are unstoppable for the positive purpose that God has designed for us.
‘I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘they are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.’
Jeremiah 29:11
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them (children); They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5
What’s in your family quiver? It is never too late to open communication and love on your children and let that love steer them in the direction of God’s perfect plan for them and your family.
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God bless you. Stay hopeful! ❤️
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