Spoiler alert: you can’t. And really you don’t want to. The only change worth having is from God, and although He can use you in the process, you don’t want to be in the business of changing people. You’ll end up exhausted, frustrated, and having wasted that precious time.

“CJ here, with a question for you. How do you get someone to repent or to change their mind about something they’re doing? Do you tell them they’re no good over and over again, and that they should change, or what do you do? How do you get somebody to repent? Well, Romans 2.4 says that the goodness of God leads us to repent. That’s what happened to Peter. Remember when Jesus told him to lunge out in the deep, and they got all those fish in the net? Peter’s response was, “Go away from me because I’m a sinful man.” When Peter saw how good Jesus was, he repented. Same with us- when we see the goodness of God, it makes us want to do the right thing. It leads us to repentance.”

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

~Romans 2.4 NLT

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Are You Trying To Fix Your Loved Ones?

Many Christians fall into the trap of trying the “fix” the people in their lives…of trying to tell them exactly what they’re doing wrong and what they need to do differently- many times coming from a judgmental and superior perspective. I wonder if this approach has ever worked in the history of…ever? It’s not possible to control the people in our lives, so when we see our loved ones making mistakes and living in a way that scares us, it can be our first impulse to get angry, to try to scare them, to threaten or beg them to change. But if we look at Jesus, we see a sense of calm; a groundedness; a love that speaks the truth without trying to control.

So going back to CJ’s quote, how can we show the goodness of God and the kindness of Jesus to the people in our lives?

Prepare

1. Pray First

Ask God to guide you and to use you to reach the people in your life. Ask God to show you which people need to see His goodness and what you can do to show them. Write down people’s names as God brings them to your mind and set reminders to pray for them and watch for opportunities to show them love. Don’t be discouraged when people don’t respond to your efforts immediately. There is a great battle for people’s souls and the enemy doesn’t give up easily, so neither can we!

No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.

~John 6.44 ESV

Sharing is Caring

2. Share Your Story

Be open to tell people about the things God has done in your life. I know sometimes it’s hard and sometimes we feel shy or insecure about being vulnerable with our stories, but if you ask and listen to what people are dealing with, you’ll find many times you’ve dealt with the same things and have seen God move. I have found that when I’m honest and tell unbelievers about how God helped me in a certain situation, even if they’re not to the place of becoming believers themselves, they are usually thankful and that seed of the Gospel has been planted.

It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.

~1 Corinthians 3.7

You Already Have What You Need to Help

3. Help Where You Can

What’s something you can do to be a blessing to people? Do you cook? Sew? Listen well? Basically anything you can do can be a blessing to the right person. Ask God to bring you people to help and then step up to do what you can when you get the opportunity. Sometimes things come up spontaneously, and it’s so easy to talk yourself out of helping. You feel stupid, or you think the person is going to think you’re weird, or you wonder if you can really afford to help someone else. Rest assured that if you feel the nudge from the Holy Spirit to help someone, He will provide and it will mean something to that person.

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” Then the righteous will answer him, “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?” The King will reply, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

~Matthew 25.35-40

Keep in mind, sometimes you get to see a person be drawn to God by the kindness He has shown through you, and sometimes not. We definitely don’t want to be pushy or make the person feel like our kindness is conditional on them becoming a Christian right then and there. Keep praying for them, and if it’s a person you know, keep watching for ways to be a blessing, and for signs that they may want to make a decision for Jesus.

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God bless you. Stay hopeful! ❤️