A father and his young son were out for a ride with the horse and buggy many years ago. It had been a very rainy week, and the roads were extremely muddy. They turned onto a road that had one set of deep ruts in the middle of it which they began to follow. As they came closer to the middle of the mile stretch of road, they saw another horse and buggy coming toward them in the same set of deep ruts. Both buggies stopped horse to horse.
The father quietly told the other man that he would have to back up. The man argued that the father and his son could back up just as easily as he could. They began to argue about it, and finally, the father looked the other in the face and said, “If you do not back up, I’m afraid I am going to do something I’m going to regret.”
The man looked at the father and began backing his horse and buggy down the road. The father and his son remained still, giving the man the opportunity to get out of their way. The son, who had been raised in a Christian tradition that taught that the use of force, violence, and power was not right, was astonished. He turned to his father and asked, “Dad, what were you going to do that you were going to regret?”
His father answered, “I was going to back up.”
This is a humorous story about regret, but regret is usually not very funny. Sometimes, we’ll say, “I wish I had painted the walls blue” or “I really wanted chocolate ice cream,” but more often, regret kind of kicks you in the stomach and takes your breath away. The word regret comes from a word that means “to look back with distress; to grieve on remembering.” That more closely describes how we feel when we truly regret something.
A long time ago, I said something to my dad, and it wasn’t until many years later that I found out he didn’t understand and was hurt that whole time. Now, I would give anything to go back and clear things up, but – I think this is the hardest thing about regret – I can’t. Once we do or say whatever it is, there are no takebacks. It is forever out there, and there is often nothing we can do. Is there anything we can do to move past those feelings of regret?
Sometimes, I think we can. If it was a wrong we committed, a sin against someone, God offers complete forgiveness when we admit our wrong and confess to Him. The feeling of guilt will be replaced by forgiveness. Perhaps, we aren’t able to make amends to the person we’ve wronged, but God can give us peace about the things we cannot change.
But what if it wasn’t a sin that can necessarily be “fixed” by confessing? Maybe it was just a mistake or a misunderstanding – but it did forever change the way things went. I find it helps to remind ourselves that we are human and we sometimes do dumb things. I know my dad would forgive me if I could talk to him and wouldn’t want me to hurt this long. Another help is to know that God can turn bad into good. I know I try to be more careful with my words so that the same kind of misunderstanding doesn’t happen again, and I also know God comforts us so that we can comfort others (2 Corinthians 1:4). Helping another person through the pain of their regret will be beneficial for you both.
